It's a Team Effort

I've covered a bit on the individuals in a relationship.  But the fact of the matter is the most important aspect of any relationship is how the couple is together.  Many therapists still focus on making the individual person better for the relationship, but in my experience it's better to focus on the relationship of the couple together.  Sounds obvious right?

Because a relationship is about two people, we need to think about improving relationships in a way that encourages both people to work together instead of focusing on one person and making them better for the relationship.  Instead of saying Jack needs to do this for Jill we should say something more along the lines of Jack and Jill should be working with each other to do something together.  And working on the communication between the two players.  Because men and women do speak different languages, and to cross that language barrier requires patience and understanding on both sides.  What more, it requires both sides to be willing to hear what the other is saying instead of just waiting for their turn to talk.

Individual counseling is flawed because it makes it uneven.  For instance, even if the therapist is able to mold the man into the perfect boyfriend/fiance/husband, the woman still isn't.  It becomes disproportionate.  Like a person going to the gym and only working out the left side of their body.  For a relationship to work, there needs to be a balance.  In some areas the guy will be doing more and in others, the girl will be doing more, but as long as overall, it stays in equilibrium the relationship has a much better shot at succeeding.  There's no such thing as the perfect man or woman, and we can all use a little work.  But one person putting in the effort is just going to end in resentment.  The cause of strife in many relationships stem from one partner feeling like the other isn't doing their fare share.  Oftentimes, the feeling is mutual.  The best way to do that is not to sit one partner down and tell them that they aren't doing enough.  That will only make that person go on the defensive.  You have to sit both parties down and let them explain to each other why while simultaneously making sure that neither party feel like they're being attacked.  Let them work together to overcome their hurdles.

Relationships work best when both parties feel like the opposite is genuinely involved and invested.  And the best way to do that is for them to come together; not apart.  A relationship is like a 2-way, 2-lane street.  If you only fix the potholes in one of the lanes, you're still going to have a bumpy ride.