In order for any relationship to even have a chance, there is one simple cardinal rule: you have to be able to agree, or at the very least, accept the other person's fundamental beliefs. These things can be very simple and varies greatly from person to person. You may even clash on a few things, but don't disrespect them. Or the relationship, will NOT work. Some examples:
Religion. This is very basic and obvious for most people. Some people may not be the most devout staples of their church/synagogue/mosque/etc. but if they identify with it, let them be. Even if you may not agree with their beliefs, do not mock them. One of my best friend's ex used to mock her religion daily. Her ex would read from the Bible and tell her how absurd it was and how stupid she was for believing it. Now I agree that some things in the Bible are a bit much (even though I am Christian myself) but don't mock someone else's religion, especially if you're in a relationship with them.
Job. Even if the person doesn't like their job, nobody wants to hear that their job is a joke or stupid. I've been in jobs that I didn't like and even felt humiliated by, but you know what? They paid the bills. If you're in a relationship, be supportive. Even if it means you may not agree with what they do, because like it or not, a job is part of who someone is. And it's what provides them with the money they need to live. You can be encouraging and turn them onto other careers, but don't insult what someone does.
Weight/body. For some people, myself included, fitness matters. For me it's very important that I keep myself in shape. And I expect my partner to do so too. Now don't get me wrong, I don't need my partner to be a Victoria Secret model. I don't want a size 0 girlfriend. But don't get into a relationship and just let yourself go. Just like I take care of myself, I expect my partner to take care of themselves too. My ex, was never thin but I liked her curves. However, over the course of our relationship she put on about 16 kilos (about 35 lbs). Now that's quite a bit of weight, and on top of it she made fun of me for getting heavier (I put on 7 kilos). I never poked fun of her or her weight. And the thing is, if you are heavy yourself, don't call someone else fat (my BMI with the extra lbs was 25.1). So if fitness is important to your partner, make that effort or call it quits.
Family. For most people, family is important. Now you're going to have families that disapprove but at the very least make an effort to accommodate your significant other's family members. This should be obvious but don't poke fun or insult them. If they make a small request, do it. Or at the very least, be sensitive in the denial. I have a friend that requested that her boyfriend meet her dad (as her parents lived in another city) before they had sex because she felt it was important. He called her and the idea stupid. If you can't acquiesce to a simple request like that, then you really shouldn't be in the relationship.
As I said before, these are just examples and will vary depending on the person. They are just examples of fundamental things that people in relationships have to be able to respect. And if you or your partner can't do that, then it's time to get out.
No comments:
Post a Comment