Don't Expect Change!

The following is an article from Shanghaiist that tells of how Wendy Deng abused and was [emotionally] cheating on Rupert Murdoch: http://shanghaiist.com/2014/02/07/vanity-fair-profile-wendi-deng-rupert-murdoch.php

This is the same as the results we've seen from years of research in psychology/sociology/psychiatry/etc.  People DON'T change!

The notion that someone will change is usually shared by women towards the men in their lives.  Whereas men tend to be the opposite.  Women tend to get into relationships and think that they can change the man.  You can't.  You might be able to change certain small behaviours like leaving the toilet seat up but you can't change who they are.  People's core personality do not change after the age of 21.

A relationship is about working together to overcome obstacles.  It's not about getting the other person to change who they are.  If someone is naturally closed off, don't expect them to be romantic.  Don't expect flowers or gifts on Valentine's Day.  Past and present behaviour is indicative of future behaviour.  If your spouse is critical of day-to-day activities, this will not change in the future.  If your spouse is more focused on himself than you, this will not change.

In the case cited above, Wendy has a history of cheating and going to "greener pastures".  It is a part of who she is.  Getting married to a rich successful man didn't change that, as is the same of anyone male or female.  But the complaints I hear most often come from females.  They complain of how their boyfriends or husbands never have time for them, or spend too much time on the computer even when they do have free time.  In more dire situations (as seen in the article), comes physical/emotional abuse.  This typically tends to come from the male side.  Emotionally/physically abused women believe that their spouses will stop abusing them or that they can somehow be "saved".  What's even more frightening is that these abused women do not believe that the abuse will be transferred.  There are countless cases in which I've dealt with with female friends as early as high school.  They met their high school sweetheart and eventually got married.  During their entire relationship they have been abused to the point of visceral fear.  And even in those situations they chose to stay in the relationship and some even had children believing that having kids would change their spouse.  What all of these women realised all too late was that not only did the abuse (whether emotional, physical, or both) continued, but the abuse also continued onto the children.

Innocents should never have to suffer for our mistakes.  In cases of abuse however, that is always the outcome.  In cases of abuse, the person being abused cannot see clearly, so it is up to the family and friends to help them get out.  The one abused truly does believe that change will happen or that the abuse will not be transferred onto the younger generation despite years of research and evidence to the contrary.

Men and women, please understand that people do NOT change.  No matter how much you want them to.  Because unfortunately, we humans, are creatures of comfort.