Forgiveness vs Judgement

Forgiveness and Judgment have their place in life.

When I do something wrong I want forgiveness and understanding now and don’t want judgment in the same time frame. Sharing something that I feel bad about makes me vulnerable, especially because it is the harder task to complete, at least in the short term. When I share I know there are two ways that the listener could react. This is oversimplified, but the response could be one of fundamentally forgiveness or judgment. One feeling will dominate this situation, rarely will it be so clear cut -normally a mix of the two.

I wish that the process of forgiveness was as short as possible and that the judgment would cause as small an impact as possible. I think it is just as important as the listener to commit to forgiveness as it is to commit to judgment, and more specifically, commit to processing the impact of actions, both good or bad. Saying things are ok when they still have an impact is not good for you or your relationships.

Why do we shy away from hard words about actions? I guess we could talk about the relative impact of negative feedback being greater than positive impact. Within business it is estimated that negative feedback is something like 30 times more ‘powerful’ than a positive impact.
It is so easy to fall into the trap of wanting someone to do the best for us, sometimes even going so far as getting angry when they don’t. And yet, when we make a mistake, the judgment is more then unwelcome. I think the importance of processing the impact of a decision and not underselling or dismissing those actions is vital to your growth as a person and the healing of a relationship. This will also allow us to appreciate and accept forgiveness for choices that aren’t so great.

Cheating: Inside the Mind of a Guy Who Cheated

There are two broad categories of cheaters, whether male or female; those who cheat simply because they can, and those who cheat because they have genuinely been unhappy for a long time in a relationship.  (This will not cover the subject of rape which some people also consider cheating.)  Men and women tend to cheat for different reasons.  On the whole men cheat because physical needs have been unmet, and women cheat because mental/emotional needs have been unmet.  Before we go any further let me make one thing clear, it is my belief that cheating is wrong; no matter what.  It is a hurtful and childish way of dealing with things.  But I also believe that there are circumstances in which cheating becomes more understandable (not right, but understandable).

From Someone Who Despised Me to One of My Best Friends: Understanding Cheating From the One Cheated on (LONG Read)

The following is an interview with someone who is now one of my best friends (and fellow author on this blog). From the day we met, I knew we were going to be friends. However, the day we met, he hated me. This was because Seth and I were polar opposites when it came to relationships. He lived (and still lives) for long-term, serious, monogamous relationships. I avoided them like the plague (not anymore). But also at the time, Seth had recently gotten divorced because his wife who cheated on him. I had recently separated [with my wife] because I had cheated (the first and only time though). So understandably, fresh from his wound, he hated and despised me. And so, without further ado...