I once read an interview done with over 150 high class escorts. When asked their favourite clients, the overwhelming answer was Japanese business men. Because they were quick and they payed promptly. So what is it about Asian men? Statistically speaking, we make more money than any other racial group [in the United States]. We commit the least amount of crimes. We test the highest. We are, by virtually any measure, the "model minority". But what does that mean on an individual level?
It means we're raised to have an inferiority complex. We are told, like other minorities, that being the same as our white counterparts, isn't good enough. But unlike other minorities, that's not just about how we present ourselves at school. It seems every other race of men have an advantage when it comes to dating. The white guys are the majority, and Asian cultures are absolutely fascinated by the white skin. Latinos have that Latin flavour. Blacks are well endowed. But Asians? None of the sexual stereotypes when it comes to Asian men are positive. Not one.
Just as any other minority has to deal with culture clashes growing up, so does the "Homo Asianus". But while we're taught to excel and do well in school, we aren't taught anything about dating. The opposite gender is just something that will eventually happen when we get older. All throughout grade school we're taught to focus on our studies. Women will come later. Then university and we need to focus on what we want to do. And after we graduate (either as an undergrad or as a grad student), we're told we need to have a career before worrying about women because women won't want us if we're not successful. And then once we have a decent job...we're expected to be get married within a year or two. Wait...what? Everything leading up to that point, we've been told that we're not ready and suddenly, like a flip of a light switch, we're expected to be experts like we are in every other "important" part of life? So much for the bell curve.
Unlike other men, we don't get any positive stereotypes when it comes to sex. So everything that gets pounded into our minds of working harder to get better grades, goes double or triple when it comes to getting a girlfriend. In this area, we're already working from a deficit. We have to overcome more just to achieve the same results. As an Asian who grew up in Texas at a time where there weren't really many other Asians in your entire school nevermind grade, it was hard to even be accepted. And as kids, that's all you really want; acceptance. So your desperate need for acceptance, to blend in, turns into a self-loathing of sorts. And because there aren't any other Asians around, there's no one else you can really talk to. And talking to your parents? Please, you grew up knowing that Asians don't really have strong feelings towards anything other than scholastic endeavors. So maybe something's wrong with you for thinking this way and you quietly accept that. And as you grow up in place like Texas, you realise that other girls don't date Asian guys. For me, I didn't realise that it was even possible until I had reached my teens and met girls from California (or grew up in other parts that had a much bigger Asian population) that paid me any attention. I was lucky because I grew into my own skin in my teens. But most of my Asian friends didn't. (By the 2000's Texas had a decent Asian population.) They hung out in Asian circles and spoke Chinese or Japanese or Korean or whatever their native Asian tongue happened to be. I didn't. I had as many non-Asian friends as I had Asian friends. I did poorly in school. I liked going out to drink and party. I wanted freedom from my parents. I was the anti-Asian. Not that, at that point, I hated being Asian. I didn't. I had already come to terms with that with the help of my mentor. I just didn't take joy in the same things that my Asian counterparts seemed to take pride from. I didn't care about good grades, or face, or societal standing. I just wanted to have fun. At a point that is supposedly crucial for academic standing and future planning, I wanted none of it. And while my Asian friends focused on their classroom endeavors, I partied and did drugs. But as I look back now, and it is because of that time that I don't have to deal with what some of my more obediently traditional Asian friends have to deal with now: the Asian Man Complex.
I talk to my Asian friends and there's this underlying current of inferiority. They always talk about their exploits but never mention any failures. They can tell me exactly how well their parents are doing but when you ask them about their own relationships, they seemingly have no clue. Now don't get me wrong, I am no better at relationships than my more traditionally Asian friends. But there's no fear with me. I know how much I've fucked up and I will own up to it, but they can't. My friends with the AMC talk about their successes at work but if you want to delve deeper into their personal lives a wall comes up. Even with closer friends who want to tell you but seem unable to tell you as if words to describe their relationships have to be said in a different language and they couldn't even tell you the word for "hello" in that language.
And this is all because of growing up in a society where there are no "sexy" Asian role models. In a nation where people are so sensitive about race that we have a black history month and we talk about how sexy Brad Pitt or George Clooney or Denzel Washington is. But there are no "sexy" Asian role models because growing up, it's drilled into our minds that Asians simply aren't sexy. Asian men anyways. We grew up in a society of Lo Pan or Long Duc Dong. We grew up in a society where a show called "Kung Fu" was headlined by a white man and a movie about Asian MIT students somehow featured a main cast of only one. Asian men and sexual attractiveness just aren't mentioned together in the same breath. So maybe that's part of the reason why this generation of ABC's or ABT's or ABJ's or what have you are so fucked up. And maybe, just maybe, why we need more love.
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